he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
