Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
