tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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