I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
