Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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