It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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