What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
