Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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