Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
