Can Purell be used as lube?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
