just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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