all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
