my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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