i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
