I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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