i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
