i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
