im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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