dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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