it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
