Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
dude i'm inner monologue high
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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