Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just blew my weed a kiss
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
