just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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