She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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