You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
