It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
