She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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