its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
