so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
