Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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