It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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