im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You took a bar mat shot.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
