I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You've changed since you got that strap on
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
