Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
