I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
