Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
