Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
