Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
