I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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