he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
