Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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