tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
