So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
