walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
