you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
