By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
