People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
