Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
