Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
