And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
