Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
