what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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