Sry I called you an 8
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Is Oprah even human
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
