her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
