careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
