Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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