I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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