so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
