I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Pants are for mortals
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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