well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
