dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Let's get the cat blown out
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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