so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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