Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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