well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
