why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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