remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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