tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
