Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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