I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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