My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
