weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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