I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Randomize
