What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
