dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
