I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
